Hey Guys! I love you! Yay for sunshine, unicorns, and rainbows!!!

No, the entire title of this entry is not a typo; I am a changed person! I swear!! (A lot, under my breath, at people who can't hear me--for the next 4 days). I guess, that upon looking at it, the title of this post makes me look like a fairy, and not just like the nice person I'm trying to be; ironically the former is exactly how I feel. I've taken being nice to a level that can't honestly be maintained by 99% of the earth's population. To the one percent who can maintain this honest level of nice, my hat's off to you; you're a patient, optimistic, kind, charitable, effing retard. So, nice work you Caspers of the living world, your uppins will come, just like they did for him.

In all of our previous competitions I have had definitive, well documented, advantages. Here's where this one goes awry: Throughout competition in my professional life it has behooved me to have a heart that's two sizes too small (think GOB from Arrrested Development), and to be apathetic to the plight of (all) others. Usually when Lindsey challenges me to something my first thought is, "Lindsey, your first mistake in thinking that you can compete with me is that you have a heart". I guess what I'm trying to say--in a less convoluted manner--is that I genuinely hate people, and this is tough.

Let me quickly list what idealistic Ryan hoped to gain from this competition:

-More friends

-Optimistic view--especially on the intelligence and compatibility of others as friends.

-Healthier outlook on own life

-People being mean to me (I feel like not nearly enough people are).

-A wife(?) What? Ten days should be enough right? Don't judge me.

Now, for what I have actually gained(?) from this competition:

-3 free meals--thanks guys!

-1 new friend that I may or may not care about, we'll see!

-Learned how to catch a feral rabbit and choke it to death, such a release! Thanks Miley Cyrus Rabbit, you'll be fondly remembered!

-Learned how to write "I hate you" in 17 different languages.

-Completely alienated all current friends to the point that they don't want to be around me anymore. This is fine, I really don't like them anyway, so yes, a gain.

Turns out that not many people like to be in the presence of nice Ryan. I guess I'm disappointed with my progress so far; however, I'm holding out hope that there will be some actual gain from this. I don't want this to be like the 31 times I've tried to start running as a daily routine only to throw up after the first 4-miler and swear it off--so much torture, no gain; you all know where I'm coming from on this. I'm not disappointed by my efforts though, I'm pretty sure I'm going to beat Lindsey handily in this comp.

Warning to all blog readers (my true friends): I will be going on what will be comparable to a steroid and meth induced Hulk rage the MINUTE this competition ends. I've commissioned an artist to depict what this will look like--he may have taken artistic liberties on my arms, but the rest is pretty accurate: