I knew when we started this competition driven blog that I was going to run out of ways to gloat; however, I didn't expect that time to come so quickly. To my doubters (AKA those who voted for Linz): You know her right? I presented empirical evidence of her heroin like addiction to talking on the phone along with the lack of self control to get to even step one in the recovery process. I don't know how to sway you any more; but believe me I will NOT stop trying. Until the next competition go ahead and wallow in your failure stew, and close your mouths while you're breathing.
I wanted to break down this competition with a (very) short analysis. We started this on Monday, Lindsey's first two calls were used that morning to speak with her doc. Now normally you would think, "Maybe we should forgive those two, I mean her doctor, that could be life threatening stuff". You would be incorrect in thinking that's how these calls went down, they were more like this:
Doctor: Lindsey, I'm afraid what you have is an inoperable attraction to shiny objects sickness, sorry.
Linz: Ooooooh, did you SEEEE Gossip Girl last night? Cuhrazy huh?!
Doctor: Well, no, but...This is quite serious, we want to perform a couple more tests...
Linz: Speidi is killing me right now! I don't think Massengill makes a bigger douche than them together.
Doctor:...
Understand that this is merely a representation of how the conversation went, 2 or 3 of the words may be interchangeable, and know that it went on for at least 15 minutes like this. The second phone call broke the superficial barrier and went right to Suri Cruise's new hairdo I'm sure.
As for me, I changed my number two months ago and I can count on two hands how many people have it (also I can count on two fingers how many people call it), I missed a couple calls (sorry Mom!), but surprisingly didn't lose any friends. I say "surprisingly" because I think 90% of my friends are just looking for that last straw to break the camel's back of our friendship.
This victory is bittersweet for me because having won last month, and consequently having listened to "You're the Best" by Joe Esposito 493 in succession, I could only listen to it once this month. I will now post the video for you, my loyal supporters. Don't feel guilty or embarrassed for listening to the whole thing, 4,000,000 YouTube viewers can't be--and aren't--wrong about how great this song is:
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Feel free to substitute my name in for Daniel's when his girlfriend is telling him he's the best, it's what I do too.
ReplyDeleteCan her doctor help me be less bored by this blog? How the hell did I get here? And, more importantly, how do I get OUT???
ReplyDeleteFollowing these comments and the constant (boring) "Zzzzzz" comments about the blog I assume that your narcolepsy has grown worse in your old age; if reading this blog merely exacerbates your symptoms I would suggest a strict regimen of NOT reading it. Mutually beneficial I think as your comments are putting me to sle...
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