I've dabbled in some pro bono work this year, I will keep you updated with examples. My first example is something I did for this blog's co-author. She recently became a tax-paying member of society and I wrote a letter of introduction for her new company's members and board:
Welcome Lindsay!
Jack's spot-welders (company name edited for privacy) would like to introduce the newest addition to our staff: Lindsay Repp, President of Dolphin Relations. Lindsay is a local resident of Sweden (location edited to protect identity), and brings many years of office support, a marketing background, and a love for Hello Kitty to the table. Lindsay’s deep love for mermaids, krakens, and Loch Ness monsters is what attracted us to her in the first place; it was very clear to us that she was special when we hired her, the kind of special that will bring us government grants and subsidies for her employment. Most of Lindsay’s marine training comes from repeated viewings of “The Life Aquatic with Steve Zissou” so she is well equipped to handle all the responsibilities this job will entail with cool collective ease—can’t wait to try her out in a hostage situation! Lindsay is currently working on establishing a means of communication with dolphins in order to help us understand why they are such blood thirsty killing machines, this project has had her barking and squealing pretty much constantly to work on her elocution of what she calls “Dolphinese”; she is in the very rudimentary stages of trying to get attention from the murderous little fish—this was a project she assigned to herself, so proactive!—but we tell her she is making progress daily. Lindsay is a perfect fit to our team and we are pleased to welcome her aboard. Congratulations Lindsay, ahem, Lindsey!
You're welcome Linz!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
Nothing's Sacred. Nothing!
Where have we been?! And more importantly: Where have I been?! Instead of the long and convoluted post I was going to type in order to re-intro the blog I have decided to do a short pictorial to show how the last 12 months have gone down. Skip this autobiographical next paragraph’s text if you don’t read well (Lindsey’s friends), or if you are easily bored (my friends).
The blog ceased to be one year ago due to a combination of factors. One: Lindsey didn’t buy ankle weights—this will be relevant in the near future. Two: I was going for a big promotion at work which took a lot out of me—self-congratulatory high-five because I got it! Three: Lindsey stopped caring. Four: Lindsey decided to adopt four Sierra Leonian children and figured the time and energy investment in raising them would curtail her enthusiasm for blogging. Lucky for both of us they were very quick studies in diamond mining (who would have guessed?!) and now pay all of her bills which frees up a lot of time for blogging. I always say your best investment is yourself—and Sierra Leonian orphans are an extremely close second—for best return on initial investment. And don’t worry about liquidity, for being people both are shockingly easy assets to unload.
In fewer words: The bulk of the blame for the premature death of the blog belongs to Lindsey. If I were to quantify the blame I would put ≈97.3% at her feet, and the rest goes to WPP.
Without further ado, here is the abridged pictorial of my year:
I work for the government; the more I work for government, the more conservative I become. This picture is of a big project for updating our city web site. People had some very good, well thought out contributions. My contribution was by far the most beneficial to the site--see the large red capital letters. This folks, is why I earn the big bucks.
More of the Magnificent work I do at my place of employment. These are all ways I branch out to the community and my co-workers. My roots are made of the strongest thing known to man--thought to be 896 times stronger than spider silk.
This happened whilst saving a kitten in distress from a grizzly bear that was all hopped up on methamphetamine. This broken ankle was the most traumatic (and tragic) experience of anyone's life, ever. Breaking the bone was a mixed blessing though, without that experience I would have never started the RMEBAAF (Ryan Michael Edwardsen Broken Ankle Awareness Foundation). Our mission is threefold, 1: To stop the spread of broken ankles 2: Use cutting edge technology to find a cure for broken ankles and 3: Raise awareness of broken ankles in first world countries. Our motto: Take the money you were going to donate to AIDS research and give it to this worthy cause instead (sidenote: is AIDS still around? No).
Just one of nine bastard children I sired this year. I really really liked this one so I kept it, most of the rest of them I just threw into dumpsters around Poulsbo, WA. Seriously though, if anyone is looking for an anchor baby, I highly recommend searching around Poulsbo (hot tip: try Wal Mart first).
Moved into a new house! The rest of this picture is self-explanatory I should think so I won't waste finger strokes explaining.
Somewhere between debating whether this economy is just on a temporary downturn or if we're building a completely new (lower) line for the GDP and Lindsey trying to convince me that straight white American men would be caught dead in anything on http://www.thesartorialist.blogspot.com/ (They wouldn't) Linz and I decided we need to compete again. It's good to be back. You're welcome in advance.
The blog ceased to be one year ago due to a combination of factors. One: Lindsey didn’t buy ankle weights—this will be relevant in the near future. Two: I was going for a big promotion at work which took a lot out of me—self-congratulatory high-five because I got it! Three: Lindsey stopped caring. Four: Lindsey decided to adopt four Sierra Leonian children and figured the time and energy investment in raising them would curtail her enthusiasm for blogging. Lucky for both of us they were very quick studies in diamond mining (who would have guessed?!) and now pay all of her bills which frees up a lot of time for blogging. I always say your best investment is yourself—and Sierra Leonian orphans are an extremely close second—for best return on initial investment. And don’t worry about liquidity, for being people both are shockingly easy assets to unload.
In fewer words: The bulk of the blame for the premature death of the blog belongs to Lindsey. If I were to quantify the blame I would put ≈97.3% at her feet, and the rest goes to WPP.
Without further ado, here is the abridged pictorial of my year:
I work for the government; the more I work for government, the more conservative I become. This picture is of a big project for updating our city web site. People had some very good, well thought out contributions. My contribution was by far the most beneficial to the site--see the large red capital letters. This folks, is why I earn the big bucks.
More of the Magnificent work I do at my place of employment. These are all ways I branch out to the community and my co-workers. My roots are made of the strongest thing known to man--thought to be 896 times stronger than spider silk.
This happened whilst saving a kitten in distress from a grizzly bear that was all hopped up on methamphetamine. This broken ankle was the most traumatic (and tragic) experience of anyone's life, ever. Breaking the bone was a mixed blessing though, without that experience I would have never started the RMEBAAF (Ryan Michael Edwardsen Broken Ankle Awareness Foundation). Our mission is threefold, 1: To stop the spread of broken ankles 2: Use cutting edge technology to find a cure for broken ankles and 3: Raise awareness of broken ankles in first world countries. Our motto: Take the money you were going to donate to AIDS research and give it to this worthy cause instead (sidenote: is AIDS still around? No).
Just one of nine bastard children I sired this year. I really really liked this one so I kept it, most of the rest of them I just threw into dumpsters around Poulsbo, WA. Seriously though, if anyone is looking for an anchor baby, I highly recommend searching around Poulsbo (hot tip: try Wal Mart first).
Moved into a new house! The rest of this picture is self-explanatory I should think so I won't waste finger strokes explaining.
Somewhere between debating whether this economy is just on a temporary downturn or if we're building a completely new (lower) line for the GDP and Lindsey trying to convince me that straight white American men would be caught dead in anything on http://www.thesartorialist.blogspot.com/ (They wouldn't) Linz and I decided we need to compete again. It's good to be back. You're welcome in advance.
We're Baaaaaack - And Tighter Than Ever
In the immortal words of Puff Daddy/Puffy/Diddy/Sean/Puffy Combs/Combs iz Puffy/Theodore (his closest friends call him that):
It's Been A Long Time
Since We Left You
Without a Dope Ripped Off From the 80's Beat
To Step To
Ryan and I were convinced absence would make the heart grow fonder, turns out we heard wrong and it's actually ABSTINENCE that makes the heart grow fonder. Our bad.
I feel like there's so much to catch up on - so much has happened! I'd go through it all, but VH1 has already beat me to the punch:
The only thing note-worthy in 2010 so far is the Gulf oil spill and Starz 'Party Down' getting canceled. (How...could...you, Starz?)
So now that we got that out of the way - Ryan and I are back! Gosh, have we missed our blog, blogging and bloggies. If you’re like me, then you were probably not the most popular kid around (and, therefore, a big fan of French cinema at a young age)--so as an adult I hold all methods of communicating and befriending people in very high regard.
Even our blog with 10 followers.
It's Been A Long Time
Since We Left You
Without a Dope Ripped Off From the 80's Beat
To Step To
Ryan and I were convinced absence would make the heart grow fonder, turns out we heard wrong and it's actually ABSTINENCE that makes the heart grow fonder. Our bad.
I feel like there's so much to catch up on - so much has happened! I'd go through it all, but VH1 has already beat me to the punch:
The only thing note-worthy in 2010 so far is the Gulf oil spill and Starz 'Party Down' getting canceled. (How...could...you, Starz?)
So now that we got that out of the way - Ryan and I are back! Gosh, have we missed our blog, blogging and bloggies. If you’re like me, then you were probably not the most popular kid around (and, therefore, a big fan of French cinema at a young age)--so as an adult I hold all methods of communicating and befriending people in very high regard.
Even our blog with 10 followers.
Thoughts In The Shower
I had this sudden thought today while in the shower: how totally effed is Balloon Boy and his family? Forever until they die will they have the 'Balloon Boy' debacle hanging over their heads.
In case you've been living under a butter churn and/or Amish (mutually exclusive?) Balloon Boy, a child named Falcon Heene, took the media by storm after the world believed him to be afloat in an alien balloon somewhere over the Midwest. If you were a balloon expert, it was the day you'd been waiting for your whole life. Then they "found him" "sleeping" "in" "an" "attic". Then things got real shady. His dad turned out to be a complete fame-hungry lunatic, his mom a passive sketched out squirrel, and the boys turning up in a Youtube video throwing down language from the Mel Gibson Book of Communication.
The good people of the internet got to work fairly quickly creating some hilarious memes, but I think this rarely seen one is my absolute favorite:
In case you've been living under a butter churn and/or Amish (mutually exclusive?) Balloon Boy, a child named Falcon Heene, took the media by storm after the world believed him to be afloat in an alien balloon somewhere over the Midwest. If you were a balloon expert, it was the day you'd been waiting for your whole life. Then they "found him" "sleeping" "in" "an" "attic". Then things got real shady. His dad turned out to be a complete fame-hungry lunatic, his mom a passive sketched out squirrel, and the boys turning up in a Youtube video throwing down language from the Mel Gibson Book of Communication.
The good people of the internet got to work fairly quickly creating some hilarious memes, but I think this rarely seen one is my absolute favorite:
Monday, August 30, 2010
MSN Moment
Ryan: I honestly miss the writing part. It was kinda tough, but it felt like an accomplishment
LinzO: I completely agree. When I posted a post I was like aaaaah success. Esp if it was a good one, 1/4 self-deprecating humor, 1/4 wit, 1/4 Ryan bashing...
Ryan: ...1/4 maths
LinzO: I completely agree. When I posted a post I was like aaaaah success. Esp if it was a good one, 1/4 self-deprecating humor, 1/4 wit, 1/4 Ryan bashing...
Ryan: ...1/4 maths
Monday, November 30, 2009
MSN Moment of the Day
LinzO: So I think in January we should go all Freaky Friday for a day
Ryan: ?
LinzO: You know, like...switch lives? I have to go work (let's be real here, volunteer) somewhere for 4 hours and you need to go hang out with 2 kids for the day
LinzO: Which, surely someone you know has 2 kids they'd like a break from
Ryan: I'm not allowed to be within 150 feet of kids unsupervised.
Ryan: ?
LinzO: You know, like...switch lives? I have to go work (let's be real here, volunteer) somewhere for 4 hours and you need to go hang out with 2 kids for the day
LinzO: Which, surely someone you know has 2 kids they'd like a break from
Ryan: I'm not allowed to be within 150 feet of kids unsupervised.
Wednesday, November 25, 2009
Giving Spanks
Dear Ryan,
Thanks for being you. (also: I'm Oprah, you're Gayle. Don't ever forget that!)
Dear Blog Readers,
Thanks for following along and encouraging us on our endeavors. Would it be too much to ask to leave comments? Ryan and I have really low self-esteem so we need those on those nights where we're clutching our Cabbage Patch dolls and reverting back to thumb-sucking.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
Thanks for being you. (also: I'm Oprah, you're Gayle. Don't ever forget that!)
Dear Blog Readers,
Thanks for following along and encouraging us on our endeavors. Would it be too much to ask to leave comments? Ryan and I have really low self-esteem so we need those on those nights where we're clutching our Cabbage Patch dolls and reverting back to thumb-sucking.
HAPPY THANKSGIVING!
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